


Courting Rituals

by withered



Series: Who's been lovin' you good? [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Friday tried to help, Hoarding tendencies, Literally this fic is dumb and I'm sorry, M/M, National Geographic, Protective Bucky, Slightly oblivious Tony, Socially confused Bucky, not team Cap friendly, pining Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 14:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13390167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withered/pseuds/withered
Summary: Tony’s seen some weird shit. Arguably, this takes the cake of things "I didn’t expect to know about James Buchanan Barnes"  because Tony has a list.This, along with Barnes’ love of National Geographic was not on it.“I…have questions,” he began slowly, “First of all, why? Second of all, why?”





	Courting Rituals

 

Tony’s seen some weird shit. Arguably, this takes the cake of _things I didn’t expect to know about James Buchanan Barnes_ because Tony has a list. This, along with Barnes’ love of National Geographic was not on it.

“I…have questions,” he began slowly, “First of all, why? Second of all, _why_?”

There was very little that came to mind when someone said, “Bucky’s room”, simply because Barnes did not seem like the type to actually have anything in his quarters.

Sure, he had the basics that every bedroom had – a connecting private bathroom, a double bed, a built-in wardrobe and closet, a desk, a small bookcase and a flat screen, but as for bits and bobs, personal items and the like, nothing really came to mind.

After reading Barnes’ file the first time he moved into the Compound, Tony honestly expected it to be sparse and Spartan in nature as if no one lived there.

He was still of the mind to believe no one did because _how_.

Barnes shuffled his feet almost nervously which was interesting to see because there was literally no space and somehow the guy built like a tree managed it. Looking like a fidgety woodland creature to boot with those large Bambi eyes of his.

“I needed…things,” he decided slowly, as if afraid of Tony’s response which one, was ridiculous, Tony always tried to be conscientious about Barnes’ situation and methods of coping, and two, he’s more shocked than anything. But also –  Tony did just wake up from a nap and found himself definitely not on the couch where he collapsed so he could be forgiven for taking a few minutes to process that Barnes was some kind of hoarder.

“And these things,” Tony began, taking in the literal _boxes_ surrounding him like cardboard towers, their contents unknown, “Do they, have significance?”

He nodded. “They’re important.”

“That’s…great.” Tony cleared his throat, “So, uhm, why am _I_ here?”

He opened his mouth, seemed temporarily at a loss, before, “I needed to protect you.”

Tony’s brows lifted. “Protect me?” And now that he was looking at Barnes – he _was_ dressed for it. The leather-clad suit did _amazing_ things to the soldier’s bubble butt, and the fact that he was wearing his uniform without the jacket and was only sporting the black tank top meant that glorious metal arm of his was on full display while every other human part of him was seemingly enhanced because _Yeah, I appreciate your muscle definition on a daily basis, but now I kinda want to lick ‘em…_

Barnes nodded slowly, and when no other answer was forthcoming, Tony rubbed his face with both hands, shook his head off the inappropriate thoughts, and muttered to himself, “Oh god, what the hell have I woken up to?” Aloud, though with his Super Soldier hearing, Tony doubted Barnes didn’t hear that part, he asked, “I’ll bite, what are you protecting me from?”

“Them,” he nudged his chin towards the door that led to the hallway, a snarl curling the corner of his lip, his eyes narrowed in irritation, and _oh._

“You’re protecting me from them,” Tony repeated slowly, and again, there was a nod.

“Right, right…” He cleared his throat once more. “You realize I don’t need you to protect me.”

Barnes didn’t seem to agree and his expression changed from agitated at the mention of the Avengers to sullen.

The soldier wasn’t all that happy with the Rogues, if Tony’s own observations could be believed, and if Rogers’ habit of accusing Tony of stealing Barnes was taken into account.

It wasn’t like it was Tony’s fault that Barnes liked science, and he had a literal science wizard at his disposal working his magic in the workshop.

That Barnes had said, in not so many words, that he preferred Tony’s company was all the reason he needed to hoard Barnes away whenever he could.  Barnes never complained, in Tony’s defense, but it wasn’t like Barnes needed Tony to protect hi – _oh._

Tony sighed, rubbing his hands on the jeans he had been working in. _No one should ever follow my examples ever._ “Look, if I can’t sulk about this situation, neither can you, Red October. No one’s happy about this, but I don’t need protection from them.”

At this stage, everyone but the Rogues themselves and the United States government was on Tony’s side especially after the social media movement (#TEAMIRONMAN) arose from someone uploading security footage of the airport confrontation. Nearly everyone had a problem with the government’s decision to welcome back the Rogues and dump them on Tony’s doorstep.

At the very least, Harley and Friday’s assessment of the Rogues being less than welcomed on US soil gave Tony a pleasant little tingle every time he thought about it. Along with Peter printing out comments from all over the internet burning Team Cap and compiling it in a very official looking dossier. It had its own pedestal in his workshop. Tony would stick it on the fridge, but you know.

It was established, however, that the Rogues weren’t happy about the arrangement either if their passive-aggressive tactics were anything to go by, but Tony couldn’t really begrudge them that. Especially after the declaration, he threw at them on entry, _“You aren’t prisoners here. You can leave anytime you want. No skin off my nose. What happens to you after isn’t my problem.”_ And they knew rather intimately after T’Challa kicked them out of Wakanda that roughing it was none of their strong suits, not when they were used to some billionaire bankrolling them, and having the public in their corner.

Neither of which they had now.

Hell, even the very-much-alive Nick Fury didn’t answer their phone calls.

Tony provided the minimum and Pepper ensured that was cut to at least half of that which was fair – he did have a tendency towards going overboard. Even with the jerks that left him behind to clean up the mess in two separate cities across two fucking continents.  

The only reason Barnes had the same amenities as the New Avengers was because _he_ had an excuse for all of it, and he still found it necessary to apologize on top of that.

Friday claimed to tolerate him based on the few interactions she saw, Peter only had good things to say (about Barnes’ metal arm) and Rhodey admitted to disliking him least, all of which were sterling endorsements in Tony’s book.  

That Barnes was trying to protect Tony from the Rogues only confirmed their good judgment so amicably, he patted Barnes on the shoulder as he shuffled passed him.  “I appreciate it, though, Winter Wonderland.”

He grunted, unhappy, but didn’t make a move to stop Tony from leaving which was good until he realized the door he opened was the closet, and there was – “Okay, first, why’s DUM-E in here? Second, _how_ did you get him in here?”

DUM-E made a whining sort of noise and offered up Tony’s toolbox which was…interesting, to say the least. “Er, okay? Uh, let’s go Dumbo,” Tony said awkwardly, patting his robot’s frame and gesturing him to follow, moving some of the boxes with his foot to create a clearer path.

One of the boxes, however, toppled over and hey! “Is that my MIT sweatshirt?”

Not waiting for a reply, Tony slipped it on, a bit put-out that it was still too big for him and bunching around the wrists, and looked up to find Barnes staring at him, looking more and more like Bambi by the minute.

“What?”

When Barnes said nothing, Tony took a cautionary breath in because he hadn’t worn the sweatshirt in ages and who knows what it smells like – _pinecones and mint, not the things that come to mind_

He found the desk against the wall, the surface littered with magazine covers of the Avengers, and a few with covers of just Tony either in gear as Iron Man or as Business Man Tony Stark which was, also, interesting…More than that, some schematics Tony had been recently messing with.

Before he could ask about any of that, he spotted the familiar cover of Peter’s dossier and, “Why do you have this?” It wasn’t exactly in a protective case (it was), but the workshop had been shut down and there was security and – “Mother Russia, what’s going on?”

 For a few moments of tense silence, Barnes said nothing, and he shifted around until he was obscured by the box towers. “Hey, wait a minute, get back here!”

Moving between the precarious columns until he had a proper view of the man, Tony huffed. “Friday, any idea what’s going on?”

“A method of courtship ritual is attracting a mate through the collection, construction, and decoration of unique structures,” Friday chirped which was not actually helpful.

He huffed a breath through his nose. _I guess not_. “Okay, Barnes, what the hell?”

The man was standing at the foot of his bed now which curiously had all the blankets Tony usually burrito-wrapped himself in, arranged like a nest and there were pillows, the towers of boxes around them acting like a weird sort of broken ring around the bed, and – Barnes was peering at him through dark lashes as if awaiting judgment and –

“Fri,” he called out, a lot confused and now a little panicked because Barnes was looking at him a like one bad word would rip his heart out and – _oh Lord Jesus, all I did was fall asleep in the common room_ , he thought desperately.

 “Barnes – James,” he decided, because like hell he was going to call him _Bucky._ Except they never agreed on what to call each other, and it felt oddly intimate to call him that, enough to give Tony _Ideas_ which was just _badbadbad_. _“_ Can you…explain what exactly is going on here?”

“I…saw it on National Geographic.”

 “What exactly did you see?”

 “Courtin’”

It was his turn to blink slowly, his mouth hanging slightly ajar. Somehow, Barnes found out about the _Thing_.

“I used to be good at it, before,” James tried to explain, wincing. “Couldn’t ask anyone how they do it now…Friday suggested taking advice from the television.”

When Tony didn’t say anything, the corner of James’ lips lifted in a semblance of a smile. “The other option was to kill people you don’t like.”

 _That was not hot, shut up, Brain, you messed up piece of shit._ “Are you…making fun of me?”

His blue eyes widened impossibly further. “What?”

“Because that’s just low,” Tony rambled. “I get that I’m on the wrong side of forty and you’re seriously the hottest thing to walk into this place, metal arm and all, but there’s no need to tease an old man for a crush he probably shouldn’t have.”

“I’m not…I’m not teasin’.”

His mouth went back to opening and closing wordlessly.

James turned to face him slowly, worrying his bottom lip and _God, he knows all the Things!_ “Antoshka, I like you.” He shook his head and said, “That sounds inadequate, but I do. I don’t know how dating works now and I didn’t know how to tell you so I did…this.”

When Tony only looked around taking in the room once more with DUM-E whining curiously behind him, James added, “There are poptarts over there, somewhere…and coffee.”

Seeing the confusion still present in his expression, Friday repeated, “A method of courtship ritual is attracting a mate through the collection, construction, and decoration of unique structures.”

“You…You collected all the things I liked?”

“I like ‘em too,” James added quick and bashful. “You’re…you’re my favorite part of the future.”

_Well, goddamn it._

“How’s your game?”

“My…what?”

Tony lifted his brows, licking his lips suggestively and actually fucking blushing when James abandoned trying to decipher what it was he said in favor of watching the movement of his tongue with a laser focus, his pupils blowing up.

At the same time James got close enough for Tony to latch his lips on to, Friday asked, “Did it work?”

_Oh, you have no idea._

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanation. In all honesty, this started as a joke.
> 
> Feel free to throw prompts or scream at me on my [Tumblr](https://cheshire-cassiel.tumblr.com/)


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